Chapter Two Excerpt: Love Mechanics - Power Tools To Build Successful Relationships With Women
WHAT MESSAGE ARE YOU SENDING TO OTHERS?
Now that we’ve explored the phase you’re moving through as a single person, we need to check the energy you’re sending out. This is the next key for becoming consciously responsible for how we are out in the world. The energy that some people walk around with is horrifying, depressing, and downright cold. It's like a cloud of indifference covers 80% of the earth and keeps people from being connected in general, let alone for love.
Let’s face it – single life is all over the map. At times, being single is as lonely as it gets, and sometimes it's the wildest of adventures, but at all times it's provides the opportunity to see what we really desire and to make smart choices for ourselves.
These choices begin with our energy. Regardless of the circumstances, your energy vibe will absolutely influence your outcome! We are all exquisitely unique and wonderfully complex, but as we become laser honest with ourselves and others, we can take charge of our lives and make healthier choices. We can create what we really want. The first step in this direction is to become more aware of what we’re putting out in the world. Only you know what vibe you're in. Be brutally honest with yourself, and remember, this book is here to give you a wake up call.
We live in a fast paced, modern world, and we want things done quickly. We make instant connections with people by e-mail, fax and cell phone. The answering machine has dehumanized the telephone — which had already dehumanized personal connection. (A recent survey revealed that most of us just hate it when people actually answer the phone ‚ all we want to do is leave the message on the machine!) What’s missing in all of this is the kind of ENERGY that can be transmitted person-to-person. We’re all communicating faster, easier, and more effectively, but guess what? The absence of personal connection is leaving millions of us home alone playing with our mouses instead of with our spouses.
This new electronic age has incredible benefits to society, but it brings with it a disastrous side effect. Our one-on-one communication is getting shut down. There is already much scientific research on all of this "energy" information, and more surfaces weekly. In my upcoming book Energy Zone, we investigate this topic further.
How many times have you entered an event or party and immediately scanned the room to see if anyone there was your "type"? If your “scanner” picks up a receptive soul, like a magnet you’re drawn in, because you can sense an emanating energy that you want around you. Usually it is a physical "type" we look for, and most of the time we don’t connect because our personal frequencies aren’t in sync. If your energies are on different frequencies, if you do connect at all, it won’t be for long.
You might get a chance to meet, but you won't be welcomed into her "space," because one of the two of you will move on. That’s how it is with energy. Even with the best of it, you have experiences that don’t jibe. The automatic judgments and egos of some people are impossible to penetrate. You can’t take it personally. They aren't on the same frequency, so why waste your time to be with them? Who wants to be with a cold, negative energy person in the first place?
Like everyone else, you have times in your life when you’re inspired, you’re having a great day, you on top of the world. Everything is going right, you're feeling good inside, you’re in the flow! People notice you. Suddenly, doubt creeps in and you wonder, What's up, why would she look at me? Something inside gets triggered. You go back into a funk, and that magic "feeling" disappears. The questions begin: How did I get that inspiration? How can I get it again? Finally, you say to yourself, Oh well, back to normal.
Now, being depressed and staying in that funk is not normal, but it feels way too natural to way too many of us. Right? Many singles are so used to feeling miserable, they think that’s how it’s supposed to be.
You can shift out of that mindset when you figure out the energy you’re sending out. You're in the driver's seat. You’re in control. I promise you that the work you do on this will change your life dramatically — in all areas. Many of my students report instant success with others by facing themselves and shifting their energy.
Energy is all around us. If you tune in a little, you can sense energy draining and energy producing vibrations from every aspect of our environment, be it nature, music, media, or the people you surround yourself with.
In the rest of this chapter, you will become aware of what vibrations you send out. This awareness will take honesty and will shift your relationships with lovers, friends, family, business associates — and especially with yourself.
THE VIBRATION OF YOUR VEHICLE
These categories spring from my own observations and from years of research. Although you have a unique vibration, you can fluctuate between these vibrations at different times in your life. As you become aware of which vibration you send out, you can shift gears to a higher frequency, thus creating a new life. This process takes time and awareness.
Awareness of the energies you put out is the second step to shifting yourself and magnetizing more love into your life.
THE HIGH VIBER: These people are usually extroverts, walk on air, smile a lot, connect well with others. High Vibers are most often leaders and entrepreneurs. They are strong, energetic and lighthearted, but they can be impatient and pushy at times, and can come across phony to those with low energy. The life of the party that everyone notices.
THE DEAD ENGINE VIBER: A Dead Engine sends out no energy, is slow moving, has slumped shoulders, a monotone voice, sad eyes, is in a depressed state most of the time, and looks like the walking dead. If this is you, check your pulse.
THE JEALOUS VIBER: Jealous Vibers are so possessive and domineering that you feel restricted to look at another human in their presence. They control you with their energy, which is rooted in deep insecurity and fear.
THE SHY VIBER: A quiet, kind, usually soft spoken, introspective slow starter with delicate energy. The Shy Viber is reserved and can come off seeming nervous and insecure in large groups and social situations.
THE ANGRY VIBER: A scowling face is the calling card of the Angry Viber. Angry Vibers are filled with wrath, explosive and impatient. You can feel their rage and annoyance from across the room. Their movements are sharp: Whap!, they will snap at you if you say the wrong thing.
THE KIND VIBER: Warm, sparkling eyes and a graceful stance and walk are sure signs of the Kind Viber. They have open energy, are captivating, considerate, and a pleasure to be around. They emanate love and just glow when they enter a room.
THE PEACEFUL VIBER: A mellow, reflective, intuitive, soft spoken person who has a tranquil and healing effect. You feel serene in their presence, and it calms you to gaze into their eyes.
THE JOKER VIBER: Joker Vibers use humor to connect and are constantly telling stories and making zany wisecracks to get attention and to meet people. They are fun to be around, and women who love to laugh will be attracted and entertained. Many of these jesters wear their humor like a mask to keep from taking anything seriously. (If this describes you, I want you to realize that the jokes you tell reflect your image and reveal your focus in life — especially when first connecting with people.)
THE VAMPIRE VIBER: Otherwise known as the Gas Guzzler. This is a needy and whiny person who worries, complains and sucks energy. They prey on the energy of other people. You feel exhausted after a Vampire Viber leaves your presence. Sometimes you feel like the life is sucked out of you when they are around. Just the sound of a Vampire Viber’s voice can drain you.
THE NARCISSIST VIBER: This dynamic person is on a power trip. He’s puffed up, cocky and always boasting: "And I did this, then I did that, then I did this again…” Narcissist Vibers need a lot of attention and are willing to be louder than the crowd to get it. They want their egos stroked a lot. A Narcissist Viber’s only focus is me…me…me. They’re egocentric, vain, intense and full of themselves. They only do things that benefit themselves. Their energy emanates selfishness and smugness.
THE SAD VIBER: This person shows visible pain in his eyes and in his posture. In a low tone of voice, he carries old, sorrowful stories from his past into most conversations — draining others with the repetition. He has a heavy hearted energy.
THE DAMAGED VIBER: This sensitive person is like a bird with a broken wing, in the process of healing, searching to learn from his lessons in order to fly again. To the outside world, the Damaged Viber comes across like damaged goods.
THE CONTROL FREAK VIBER: Control is the name of their game. They try to command your time, your energy, and sometimes your beliefs. In their presence, you feel manipulated. They desire to take the lead and govern activities and they definitely get upset when things don't go their way.
THE DECEPTIVE VIBER: These types don't tell the truth and most often they don’t keep commitments. Misleading and cunning, they don't look you straight in the eye during important or stressful conversations. They have a shifty, insincere way about them and can deceive you with stories. Use your gut instincts when you feel this type of energy around!
THE CODEPENDENT VIBER: These caregivers think of others first but they are very needy. Codependent Vibers give, give, give to feel loved — then feel taken for granted. Their giving is a trade-off for approval and validation. They have a tendency to rehash their problems on the phone, overanalyzing every word to figure out what they did wrong. They can be whiny and have mood swings.
THE HIGH STRUNG VIBER: High-Strung Vibers are frenetic, nervous energy people who rarely calm down. Being around them makes you want to jump out of your skin. They have sharp, quick movements — like a free flying electrical wire — that can burn out your energy.
THE NERD VIBER: The nerd energy comes across as uncomfortable, bashful, and socially challenged. Their look is not together and they seem to be the poster boys for rejection. Nerd Vibers are shy, unconfident and usually living in their heads.
THE LITTLE BOY VIBER: The playful, fun energy of the Little Boy Viber is compelling at first, but ultimately the Little Boy turns out to be undependable, irresponsible and reckless. He wants to like a child who doesn't know better, but he’s actually looking for someone to take care of him.
THE MONEY HUNGRY VIBER: The Money-Hungry Viber comes in two types: one is focused on having a ton of money and high status, the other asks all the right questions to find out your financial status so that he/she can get into your life in a very subtle way. Usually, they are very good at deceiving people and will offer to assist you in business and with your personal issues so they can get a foothold in your affairs. Watch out, these folks can be very shifty.
THE SALESMAN VIBER: These pushy vibers are always selling you something, especially themselves. They tend to be polished and over-complimentary, and they definitely know how to make others feel comfortable. Even when they’re bossy, it’s done in the most flattering way. They are master sales people, open and direct, constantly trying to close the deal on you (and they are the “deal”), so they sell, sell, sell. "We would have soooo much fun together on my boat on the way to the islands! I'm taking you with me now!" It’s enough to sweep you off your feet, and it sure is fun!
THE SNOB VIBER: The snob is better-than-everyone, with an air of elitist arrogance. He usually doesn't connect with others because they are "below his standards." He won't give you the time of day and can make you feel "less than" if you let him. The Snob Viber treats others with disrespect and can be sickening in the dating world, unless he’s dating another snob.
THE RESCUER VIBER: These people come to the rescue of many others, because they are kind and caring and use rescuing to avoid dealing with the challenges of their own lives. Like the Codependent Vibers, they feel good when saving others. Certain men slip into this vibe, attracting unbalanced women. The Rescuer thinks he can save her from despair. Quite often, the Rescuer Viber becomes resentful when he completes a rescue mission only to watch the now-healed woman leave him. As for the women, we are taught that men will rescue us, so a certain amount of this vibe is comforting, as long as you keep it in balance.
THE OPEN HEART VIBER: Open Heart Vibers love life and people. You can feel tenderness from them when they interact with you. They are warm and caring, and they maintain good eye contact. You can feel inside yourself that you’re special to them in the moment; you're the only one in the room. However, if your heart is closed, they will seem too good to be true. So stay open!
THE SEXUAL VIBER: These people send out overpowering sexual signals that could knock you across the room. They drip with sexuality. They want attention and know how to get it. If you carry this energy, you can get attention with it, but unless sex is the goal, you may not get the long term results you desire. On the receiving end, this sexual energy feels both flattering and intrusive, depending on the type of sexual vibes sent out. Sexual energy is the strongest energy on earth and it can be transmitted in a pure or polluted form, depending on the thought behind it.
THE MAMA’S BOY VIBER: Some men have been brought up by overpowering, controlling mothers and they can’t let go of the power these women have over their lives. They check in with mom for every decision and carry around guilt or shame when it comes to certain situations with women. The Mama’s Boy has not let go of the attachment to his mother and may have an unhealthy relationship with women because of the deep desire to recreate his mother in the women he chooses. Some of these men look to be with “control freak” women and marry someone just like mom.
This issue has become prevalent in our current times due to the increased divorce rate. Because of this and other related reasons, there are many books written on this subject.
THE HORN DOG VIBER: This person seems slimy and sends out a perverted, twisted vibe that is scary to women. They stalk us, they stare at body parts and they have no respect for personal space. Like the Sexually Overpowering Viber, they send out signals of desperation. It is a turnoff!
THE RECEPTIVE VIBER: This is an interested man sending clear signals that he has open, approachable energy (a feminine energy trait). From the soft look in his eyes and his body language, a woman knows immediately that he is hospitable and responsive. He smiles a lot and makes great eye contact. He acknowledges her comments and laughs easily. (When you're in tune with your intuition, you will know when a person is receptive to you.)
THE CONFIDENT VIBER: This person radiates confidence and power, a presence that others are drawn to magically. A self assured, vibrant and positive vibe is one we all strive for. People with this courageous vibration are good role models.
THE PROTECTIVE VIBER: This defensive person has a wall of protection so thick that if you get too close he might lash out at you. Or he is completely closed off for fear of being hurt. He tends to get very snappy, and has a tone of defensiveness in his voice. The Protective Viber is safeguarding and shielding his heart.
THE IMPATIENT VIBER: These people can't sit still. They are tense, restless, and they want things now! They are impulsive, harried decision makers and can be challenging for those who have calming energy to be in relationship with.
THE BALANCED VIBER: The Balanced Viber has the ultimate balance of inner peace and harmony. His life reflects stability, poise, and balance in all areas. He radiate a sense of inner tranquility that we all strive for.
Now, after looking at the list, pick out the dominant energy vibes that you send out to the world. I want you to look for different correlations. In some cases, we attract to us the same type of vibration we put out. At other times, it’s quite the opposite. We will avoid our type of vibration like the plague!
What about people you have dated or been married to? Can you figure out what vibe they sent out? (Off course, women have their own unique vibes too.)
As you think back on your last few connections with others, how were you feeling? About yourself? About your appearance? About your worth? Did you leave the house tired and depressed to then have a bummer of an evening riddled with either negative people or none at all? Conversely, can you remember ever going out in one of your negative moods to find your friends all happy and gay — so that your energies didn’t match all evening? Can you recall getting irritated because they were having a great time, and you felt invisible? Maybe you wanted to go home and get up on the other side of the bed.
If you have the courage, this is a place of awareness and power to shift from. Remember, your vibes effects others and vice versa.
The question (we’ll be answering) is “how do you change your vibes?”
Single souls go through many levels of consciousness in their quests for fulfillment. As we grow and evolve, and put out our energy vibration, we will meet people that are on our same frequency. In the next part of the book, I will show you how to shift into a higher vibration so you can attract people in the right vibe for you. Remember, you are responsible for creating what you desire.
Are you ready to see how easy it can be to shift?